So recently a whole lot of new changes have happened in my life. My home is finally sorted out and i am becoming a student! (again) haha. As of tomorrow i am officially a Business and Management student at the local college.
Now i haven’t been in education for a proper two years. After flunking and sacking off my second year of University i have not been academically challenged for this long. After having my daughter back in June, it inspired me to start doing something for myself and to make a better future for me and her. She is my whole light and inspiration with this course now. I had other plans too but they fell through due to my own stupidity. I never realised i would be this nervous about starting a course again. I literally feel like i’m 5 years of age, need my mum to walk me to school and hold my hand as i walk in there. I feel so timid and so shy to go in and meet new people and to actually get my head down and do some serious work that can effect my future. It’s very strange for me, even when i started my first year of University i wasn’t half as nervous as i am now, so i’m hoping all goes well tomorrow and i can feel confident in myself that i will be able to get my work done and to pass the course, excelling in things i didn’t know i could.
I will not be doing any tutorials for a while as course materials are needed and with Christmas coming up i’m going to need to save some money to buy my daughter her very first Christmas pressies. Something again, i have not even considered. First Christmas with my daughter….Wow. Toys to get her, house to decorate, plans to make with family and the few friends i have up here in Liverpool. Aged 21 and have a babba to look after, really did not think it would be like this. Don’t get me wrong i love my daughter and would not have things any other way…but being a single mum at my age isn’t so unheard of and is now the normal. I am just choosing to get myself out there and do the best i can so i’m not sitting around on “the doll” for the rest of my life.
The next couple of days will be testing. Let alone i am just starting to get over a cold that has been going around and so is the little one. Hate it when i’m sick. Especially now i have a baby to look after, no more days of just laying in bed. Have to get on with daily life. I guess sometimes i think i am struggling, but then again there is always someone worse off than me in the world. So like a friend said to me ” you just have to get on with it. You have no choice” and in all fairness he is right. I don’t have a choice.
College and my baby girl.
The first chapter of my new life.
xx mwah xx