10th of October 2011 was when me and my partner found out about having a baby. A mix of emotions came with this, as a was a wreck anyway I cried, rejoiced and celebrated as well as Wayne being a happy father of 2. He already has a daughter who is a lovely bundle of joy, so he has some parenting know how. I however, did not have this as I met his little girl at 18 months, new born things….I had no idea, what to do or when to do it. The phrase “it will just come naturally, mothers instinct will kick in” comes to mind when relatives, friends etc would talk to me about my baby to come. This I did not really worry about until I was in my third trimester of my pregnancy. I got the odd fleeting moment of “what if I drop her” or “what if I don’t know her cries” which Wayne re-assured me would not happen because some things are just common sense to people. Throughout my pregnancy I was on the road into the unknown where I would have to start off like a baby myself and learn all these new things about something that will rely on me as its mother for the rest of its life.
As I sit here now typing this with my gorgeous daughter lilith-rose asleep on me I think how silly it seems to have thought them things. I know ever parent does before a child is born but I can truly say the statement above is very true. No matter who you are, mother or father, you just get on with things when your child needs something. From the moment I laid eyes on her in the delivery room I knew I loved her with all my heart and I knew that she would be the best thing since sliced bread. The first week we had both mine and Waynes family coming to visit us at home to see the baby and have a hold etc. It was very nice but when you are not used to sleeping and waking in the night you look like death. Family expect this and just don’t bother telling you because you have already looked at your ugly face in the mirror 2 hours previous to them arriving. We got a lot of comments such as “shes beautiful and gorgeous” and i’m sat there like yes I know she is and I cannot believe me and Wayne made her.
It is 6 weeks since I had her on June 17th (fathers day) and I have completely settled into parenting. I have the support of Wayne my partner who is doing really well with her as well and she does love her daddy a lot. At first I was a bit shaky because I didn’t know the difference between “im hungry” and “I need a bum change”, however, I know how to do all of that now a days. As anyone will know who is a parent you get stressful moments with new borns. Mine has to be wind. Our daughter has had really bad wind and cries much more than normal out of annoyance that it is there, so a lot of burping was required and it got very tiring because you would just have to do it to settle her. I also find myself drifting into little daydreams about nice sunny beaches and cocktails by the pool, mainly because I would love to go on holiday but restrictions are apparent, so It will have to stay a daydream for now.
I also seem to take photos of everything she does. She is now smiling so i’m trying to capture that on camera and each new thing I put her in clothing wise i’m taking a photo and putting it on Facebook. Instagram is a good one at the moment because I can take really nice photos and then post them to any site that I have. I guess I could be classed as an annoying parent to some because I hate how my parents have so many photos of me but I understand fully why they did it. My mother has also given me a scrap book to start when I wish to catalogue the moments in her life. I will be doing this more when I get some free time to myself to concentrate on it and be creative.
A baby is not something for Christmas. I thought it would be such an easy ride but it has proven otherwise, don’t get my wrong there has been the good moments which do outweigh the bad, but it is something that you cannot control or have any pre ideals for. I like having control over things in my life and I like to plan, make lists and organise things. However, I am having to adapt to constantly changing day to day routine with my baby because she is not at the age to settle into a routine yet. I know she will be relying on me for the rest of her life and I hope that I have a good bond with her as she gets older and as the years pass.