New Life Outlook
So I thought I would do a BIG life update tonight. I’m in a very reflective mood.
Just recently I have found out that I am going to be a mummy! This is probably the best news I could ever of hoped for. Wayne was really pleased after I had been to see the midwife a few weeks ago and we could not be happier to be parents. I now have a little life growing inside of me, which freaks me out a bit but it’s a really warming feeling. I’m pretty scared about pregnancy. I am mainly scared about giving birth because it does not seem like the pretty picture that all the movies make it out to be. However, the whole pregnancy aspect and having to bring a child into this world really excites me and makes me happy. Wayne is really helpful with me too and giving me all the support I need. I should be about 6 to 7 weeks now, as we have calculated from what the midwife said which is really good. My hormones are EVERYWHERE! This is no joke. One minute I’m completely fine and happy and the next I am crying and thinking I’m the worst person in the world. I’m getting pains…..i think I’m getting sick though so that maybe it but apparently pain in the bottom of your back is normal which is what I’m getting along with them odd aches you get all over when you get flu or something. Let’s hope it isn’t flu. That’s the last thing that I need is the flu. I get really bad when I get the flu and I’m a hypochondriac anyways so all the worst possible things could happen to me and I winge a lot when I’m sick. So basically if I get sick Wayne has to deal with me being a big knob for however long I am ill for. I’m researching frantically on the internet for tips and tricks with parenting a new born and everything to do with pregnancy. Wayne is dead good with things because he has his little girl who is now 2 and has been through all this that I am going through with his ex-partner. Wayne has banned me from wearing heels too….apparently because it’s going to get hard to walk in them. This is something im still trying to get to do! I LOVE my heels. Stupidly. I’m always in a pair. I have no flats, well one pair of pump trainers, but they have holes in and are really uncumfy.
. It’ll be nice…I hope. Getting lots of plans sorted for the next couple of weeks. Got a midwife appointment to do paperwork and bloods, then arranging a scan. Heading to Wayne’s friend’s house for a Halloween party next week which will be nice. I love Halloween. I want to get dressed up really well as it is fancy dress. I want to go as ALICE from the game: Alice; Madness Returns. Its such a good game. PS3 or Xbox….get it. It’s really creepy. However, the costumes are dead expensive, so I was thinking about going as a zombie alice in wonderland or something sexy. As all us girls know….Halloween you can look sexy in the non-horror costumes such as bunnies and still get away with it. I want something sexy and Halloween themed though. I like going out in horror dress so that it actually feels like Halloween. Any ideas?
Wayne’s still in University and going at it like a trooper. He is doing really well and everyone thinks he is dead intelligent when it comes to the course and he says he isn’t. I think he is too but he’s just really good at the subject and is really enthusiastic to do the work and get the best mark possible. I like the way he likes to involve me in it too. He will try theories out that he has thought of on me, help him revise by using me as I don’t know anything but I like learning things and just genuinely get my opinion and bounce ideas off me. A good example is the other day when Wayne had come home and said he was learning about Freud’s theory. This theory could have held some significance in the time it was written but now a days it needs to be adapted and modernised so that people would be able to agree with it. Wayne and I had a chat about it and he read all of the points out to me and started saying what he did and didn’t agree with, as did I. I found it really interesting and it gave me a nice idea of something that he learns while away from me most of the week. It’s nice that he wants to include me, when he needs to concentrate though I need to be somewhere else. I don’t want to disturb him so he can do his best at what work it is he needs to do so I just mosy and watch TV! It’s a nice thing at the moment.
Last point is that education has now gone out the window nearly. I’m now getting the dream that I wanted; having a baby. Trying for so long and not have it happen is really depressing and upsetting for both me and Wayne, however, now that he has started Uni we decided we would stop trying and just take it easy with the baby thing. SLAP BANG WALLOP it happens. Literally the month that he starts Uni I get pregnant. This gives him more of an incentive to carry on because he wants the best for his kids and family. I won’t be going to Uni but doing an open uni course so that I can be at home with the baby while Wayne is at Uni studying. I’m really excited. Everything is starting to take shape. I’m appreciating things a lot more and really think over the past few years and what I have done with my life. I can finally say that I am on a fixed path to where I want to be in 5 year’s time. I want a family, settled down, stable career forming and self-confidence. I am positive about the future. Taking life one step at a time seems to be a good idea at the moment though…..and I like it that way. Those times when you look back and think…what did I do to fuck it up? THINK THEN ACT. It’s what I have done and I’m making sure that I can get things sorted out so that me and Wayne can have our baby and be a family and love each other unconditionally and spend the rest of our lives together. Having Wayne as a support for me is really good though with our baby. I’m so happy about it.